So summer so far? Very pleasing. Getting away from certain worries until I have to return to them sometime in August, actually working and getting paid (first pay checks are a great beauty mind you, especially in an accound), and most of all healing. I won't entirely go into a rant of my angst and depression that I have been dealing with for the last two years, so I'll give the gist.
My parents divorced, yes. The corcumstances behind it were rather hurtful and shocking. It seems like every other week another lie that I've lived with has been brought to light. It takes two to tango I suppose. The point is, my parents have filled me with...nothing.
That's just it, I feel nothing toward them.
Now that I'm legal, it's good and bad in several ways. Good because I can keep my distance from them and they can't say crap. Bad because...well around them, I often fear for my safety. That part I won't go into period, there are thing that are tough to talk about. The buggers of thought like to eat at me, so I dissolve them into smoke and confinde them into the lovely glass bottle hidden in my center. Until I return to the once a home now just a house, I'll have to start planning my long awaited escape.
It has been a while since I've written in this blog, making me think now there is a random question that made itself known:
Why did I start The Yuna Files?
Good question, discovering blogging I found it rather fun. Reading and giving my own comments, it is fun. I've begun pouring a little of myself in here, hoping someone outside of my world will give a thought as well. The files of my mind under my alias, that's the best I can describe it.
Now for some excited Yuna moments.
I'm FINALLY getting my new laptop today! OMG I have never been this excited! I spent an our or so discussing differnet brands with one of the techs at work, and we finally picked out a total awesome machine. Quad proccessing, basic memory, but I plan on getting an external hardrive.
Soon I shall be communicating with with world from the newly named~
*fanfare*
Moogle V.2
Alright I'm done ^_^
Yuna, signing out <3
P.S. I started another blog, doing book reviews. That will defiently start up soon, so please stay tuned.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Oh The Wonder
Maybe it's just me, but lately I've been feeling....a little lost. I feel in control and at the same time I feel like I don't. My fight to be able to get a handle on the bigger issues is more or less a battle won (?). Just in this point in my life there are quite a few things that I am growing excited for:
- My summer job in Miami
- The fact I'm turning 18
- Another year at my faviorite convention
- The Creative Writing camp I'm attending
- And I'm going to be a senior in high school
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
In Hiding
Hahahaha don’t you love it when you can just be someplace where it is most definitely fun? Well I think I found the place. Today is turning out really better than it was earlier and here’s why:
I am in the Graphic Arts room, with a very cool teacher running it.
As it turns out the Teachers Aid program here got a major twist around. There are new rules that apparently are too much for most of the teachers to handle, hence why most don’t even have a student aid anymore. To top it all off, there aren’t even enough teachers to place the number of students because so many have dropped out of it. Needless to say, not many people are all that happy.
As for me I have been reassigned to our neighbor elementary school, but the paper work won’t be approved for another two weeks. What the fuck people, is there any reason to mess everything up for us? So until then I am to report to the teacher in charge of the program, she already has two others and two I’m guessing they/she don’t want to be around each other (pardon my grammar mistakes).
On second thought I really don’t want to bring a downer on myself at the moment. SO now I can just talk about the NOW. Mr. Barlow is a very interesting character, so fun to be around but if you mess up you had better be prepared. It’s all a matter of staying on his good side I suppose, I mean he seems to like me otherwise he probably wouldn’t let me hide out in the classroom for a while. Then again he is very nice to a lot of kids, so maybe he’s just that kind of relaxed teacher /shrugs.
Still it makes me sad to see what this guy has to go through sometimes. I’ve heard stories from the last few years and I just feel really bad. Last year most of the computers in the class were stolen and I still remember how upset everyone was. I was shocked of course (turns out it was only one student who did this), even so now I understand why. He really is good and he loves his job that much I can see. Yet there are those who just don’t get that sense of humor and are just….nasty.
It makes me sick that’s what it does; I see a lot of good and respected teachers here and just wish people weren’t so ignorant that’s all.
Well time for Environmental Science, I’m really glad I’m getting back to my blog.
This is Yuna signing out~
I am in the Graphic Arts room, with a very cool teacher running it.
As it turns out the Teachers Aid program here got a major twist around. There are new rules that apparently are too much for most of the teachers to handle, hence why most don’t even have a student aid anymore. To top it all off, there aren’t even enough teachers to place the number of students because so many have dropped out of it. Needless to say, not many people are all that happy.
As for me I have been reassigned to our neighbor elementary school, but the paper work won’t be approved for another two weeks. What the fuck people, is there any reason to mess everything up for us? So until then I am to report to the teacher in charge of the program, she already has two others and two I’m guessing they/she don’t want to be around each other (pardon my grammar mistakes).
On second thought I really don’t want to bring a downer on myself at the moment. SO now I can just talk about the NOW. Mr. Barlow is a very interesting character, so fun to be around but if you mess up you had better be prepared. It’s all a matter of staying on his good side I suppose, I mean he seems to like me otherwise he probably wouldn’t let me hide out in the classroom for a while. Then again he is very nice to a lot of kids, so maybe he’s just that kind of relaxed teacher /shrugs.
Still it makes me sad to see what this guy has to go through sometimes. I’ve heard stories from the last few years and I just feel really bad. Last year most of the computers in the class were stolen and I still remember how upset everyone was. I was shocked of course (turns out it was only one student who did this), even so now I understand why. He really is good and he loves his job that much I can see. Yet there are those who just don’t get that sense of humor and are just….nasty.
It makes me sick that’s what it does; I see a lot of good and respected teachers here and just wish people weren’t so ignorant that’s all.
Well time for Environmental Science, I’m really glad I’m getting back to my blog.
This is Yuna signing out~
Saturday, January 8, 2011
A Point of No Return
We all have had it happen, people important to us seem to be going for the stars but it feels like you are being left behind by them. You don't want to show your sadness though because you want what is best for them, but the hurt inside is always real. You would give anything to be with them again, just another moment or two to see them smile and hear them laugh....I have so many people I miss, the weight is piling up on me.
I knew this was coming too, I have known it since the beginning of my sophomore year, that many important people would be close to leaving. That's part of high school I always hated, you become close to people older than you and when they leave it sucks like you wouldn't believe. Is it really wrong to miss the people who you have made such wonderful friendships with?
Of course not, that's what it means to have people to care for, and they care for you in return.
But there is a problem with them being older too, they seem to be so close on their own and you being there is just like having a third wheel. As much as they accept you with open arms, you never felt like you belonged with them. You begin to question what they saw in you in the first place and suddenly all of these horrible thoughts race through your mind and you want it all to stop.
This, my readers, is what I have been feeling for a long time now.
This is what it feels like when your sense of security and and comfort is ripped from you by a simple fact. You want it all to be a dream, so you can come back to the reality that you really belong in. You want their words of kindness to be sugar coated lies to make you feel better. You want them to suddenly say they never want anything to do with you again and be done with it. You want to let them go with no strings attached so you aren't part of their memory. You want to be forgotten because when you already think you are, you would rather know that's the world you now live in and accept it.
But I know them better, they would never say that anyway.
I wish so bad that they would, even if one of my greatest fears is to be completely forgotten by the world. Maybe things would have been better if I never met them sometimes, I wonder what it would have been like. I might not be who I am now but...
This is what it means to love people, I have opened my heart to them and they took me as I am. I will always be grateful for that. I love them all like I never thought I could love before, they taught me how to love. I always will wish them the best of luck, it doesn't matter if they don't remember me later on. If they ever do decide to return though, I will always be at the usual place and always waiting.
I only have one wish now, I want to know what it truly means to be alone in the world.
I knew this was coming too, I have known it since the beginning of my sophomore year, that many important people would be close to leaving. That's part of high school I always hated, you become close to people older than you and when they leave it sucks like you wouldn't believe. Is it really wrong to miss the people who you have made such wonderful friendships with?
Of course not, that's what it means to have people to care for, and they care for you in return.
But there is a problem with them being older too, they seem to be so close on their own and you being there is just like having a third wheel. As much as they accept you with open arms, you never felt like you belonged with them. You begin to question what they saw in you in the first place and suddenly all of these horrible thoughts race through your mind and you want it all to stop.
This, my readers, is what I have been feeling for a long time now.
This is what it feels like when your sense of security and and comfort is ripped from you by a simple fact. You want it all to be a dream, so you can come back to the reality that you really belong in. You want their words of kindness to be sugar coated lies to make you feel better. You want them to suddenly say they never want anything to do with you again and be done with it. You want to let them go with no strings attached so you aren't part of their memory. You want to be forgotten because when you already think you are, you would rather know that's the world you now live in and accept it.
But I know them better, they would never say that anyway.
I wish so bad that they would, even if one of my greatest fears is to be completely forgotten by the world. Maybe things would have been better if I never met them sometimes, I wonder what it would have been like. I might not be who I am now but...
This is what it means to love people, I have opened my heart to them and they took me as I am. I will always be grateful for that. I love them all like I never thought I could love before, they taught me how to love. I always will wish them the best of luck, it doesn't matter if they don't remember me later on. If they ever do decide to return though, I will always be at the usual place and always waiting.
I only have one wish now, I want to know what it truly means to be alone in the world.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Sorry is in Order
Sorry I have been neglecting my poor blog, I meant to get to it but things have been crazy on my end. Hopefully after my exams I will be back to writing again. But to make up for it I will give a lay down on what has been happening:
I have been taking guitar lessons and by God how fun they are, my guitar is named Katherine Alice De Freak and I LOVE her. She is a Main Street Strat, she fades to a sort of orange color to the front, dark to the back. My teacher Blake is a funny guy, he says I have real potential which boosts me up. I'm making a plan to start paying for lessons since my grandmother is only paying for January.
School is school, my mom signed me up for the ACT in...Feburary I think, so I'm studing for that. Plus the CPT since I was such a good girl and passed my FCAT *throws up in trash can*, I can take it for free, so my senior year I can take college classes. Other than that I have to work on two papers over my Christmas break, which I am soooo loking forward to....NOT!
Anyway, I have several writing projects still in the making. I am also rewriting a lot of them so they are more organized, I am even in a contest for scholarships (yes that is on my plate now) so hopefully I do good for that. Plus I am getting into lots of RP's, I am currently in like six of them and they are so much fun.
I have few plans for post topics, some of them have to do with a novel in progress and few have to do with my characters, and few with these weird dreams I have had (I blame the meds, but they were cool).
Until then, this is Yuna signing out~
I have been taking guitar lessons and by God how fun they are, my guitar is named Katherine Alice De Freak and I LOVE her. She is a Main Street Strat, she fades to a sort of orange color to the front, dark to the back. My teacher Blake is a funny guy, he says I have real potential which boosts me up. I'm making a plan to start paying for lessons since my grandmother is only paying for January.
School is school, my mom signed me up for the ACT in...Feburary I think, so I'm studing for that. Plus the CPT since I was such a good girl and passed my FCAT *throws up in trash can*, I can take it for free, so my senior year I can take college classes. Other than that I have to work on two papers over my Christmas break, which I am soooo loking forward to....NOT!
Anyway, I have several writing projects still in the making. I am also rewriting a lot of them so they are more organized, I am even in a contest for scholarships (yes that is on my plate now) so hopefully I do good for that. Plus I am getting into lots of RP's, I am currently in like six of them and they are so much fun.
I have few plans for post topics, some of them have to do with a novel in progress and few have to do with my characters, and few with these weird dreams I have had (I blame the meds, but they were cool).
Until then, this is Yuna signing out~
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Exit Stage Right
So sorry I’ve been neglecting the blog, quite a few changes have occurred. One I moved into my aunt’s house, I couldn’t really handle things at home (or rather either house) and I just had to get away. And so far it’s gone really well, I’m a lot more happy and much more at peace there. It’s just a safe place for me to be and to be around people that actually show concern for you is even nicer. It may not be permanent unfortunately but, if and when, I am forced to go back home I will be able to take things better. And my mom’s house, that’s where I need to apply it more.
In addition I just got through my school play and boy was it a rough ride. Our production of ‘The Good Doctor’ was overall good, even with the lack of time we had. The set itself was mostly a large book and since a few things went wrong with that, the time it took to finish was longer than expected. The actors themselves put on a great show, there’s something about hearing an audience laughing at the hilarious performance your friends are displaying can really set a warm and pleasant feeling throughout your body. But that’s what I feel, can’t say the same for the rest of the crew.
Now I was not part of the cast this time. In fact this is one of two plays I was actually in during the already three years of school. Besides Prometheus Bound—a Greek tragedy we performed, with me as one of the Twelve Daughters of the Ocean—I was actually part of the crew this time. Running Crew to be more specific, meaning I helped move the props around during the show. And as we had to blend in since there were not many blackouts, we had to dress as maids and servants. I wore a cute purple dress~
Anyway
I and the other Running Crew members had a blast though. In fact we had our own special question that we would ask every rehearsal (and most of the shows) more than once in a matter of minutes apart:
“Where’s Noah?”
Noah was the only freshman on the Running Crew. And the common knowledge we have for freshman, most are pretty immature. He kept disappearing whenever we turned our backs for more than a few seconds. We nearly ripped our hair out over it, but by the time the shows came around he straightened up thank God. He was mostly pared up with me when it came to moving some stuff. So it worked out.
Hmmmm….oh yeah. I’m planning on starting guitar lessons soon. I had a free lesson yesterday and by God there was something about holding that guitar that sent a shiver up my spine. I was listening so intently to what the instructor was saying and I caught on really quick on a few things. Now when I was looking at prices they had a special set for if your sign up for lessons. Hopefully I can start that soon, I’ve worked out the prices and everything and this really is something that I would REALLY stick to and can do. Good wishes are always appreciated.
For now that’s all I have to give. Maybe next time I can give something that I can really bring to here that can be further discussed and for you readers to be able to give an opinion on.
This is Yuna signing out~
<3
In addition I just got through my school play and boy was it a rough ride. Our production of ‘The Good Doctor’ was overall good, even with the lack of time we had. The set itself was mostly a large book and since a few things went wrong with that, the time it took to finish was longer than expected. The actors themselves put on a great show, there’s something about hearing an audience laughing at the hilarious performance your friends are displaying can really set a warm and pleasant feeling throughout your body. But that’s what I feel, can’t say the same for the rest of the crew.
Now I was not part of the cast this time. In fact this is one of two plays I was actually in during the already three years of school. Besides Prometheus Bound—a Greek tragedy we performed, with me as one of the Twelve Daughters of the Ocean—I was actually part of the crew this time. Running Crew to be more specific, meaning I helped move the props around during the show. And as we had to blend in since there were not many blackouts, we had to dress as maids and servants. I wore a cute purple dress~
Anyway
I and the other Running Crew members had a blast though. In fact we had our own special question that we would ask every rehearsal (and most of the shows) more than once in a matter of minutes apart:
“Where’s Noah?”
Noah was the only freshman on the Running Crew. And the common knowledge we have for freshman, most are pretty immature. He kept disappearing whenever we turned our backs for more than a few seconds. We nearly ripped our hair out over it, but by the time the shows came around he straightened up thank God. He was mostly pared up with me when it came to moving some stuff. So it worked out.
Hmmmm….oh yeah. I’m planning on starting guitar lessons soon. I had a free lesson yesterday and by God there was something about holding that guitar that sent a shiver up my spine. I was listening so intently to what the instructor was saying and I caught on really quick on a few things. Now when I was looking at prices they had a special set for if your sign up for lessons. Hopefully I can start that soon, I’ve worked out the prices and everything and this really is something that I would REALLY stick to and can do. Good wishes are always appreciated.
For now that’s all I have to give. Maybe next time I can give something that I can really bring to here that can be further discussed and for you readers to be able to give an opinion on.
This is Yuna signing out~
<3
Friday, October 8, 2010
Music in the Air and English Blues
Another happy free day in Teachers Aid, this would be the second day now. Of course now on Fridays the school sets up a sound system and music is played throughout the courtyard, which makes the day more up lifting in a way. I wish though they would have a bit more of the classical rock feel, but it’s more like the stuff you hear on the radio these days. That’s why I like to go to one of my favorite teachers room, the cool Mr. O’Grady, because he has the most AWESOME playlists of classic rock I know of. I like to stroll by his room on the way to my Environmental Science class and just hang out there until the bell is close to sounding off. Sometimes he gives me little snacks, things from Jolly Ranchers to green grapes, enough said.
As it is even day here, I already went through my English 2 class. I’m starting to think that I need to readjust my sleep schedule a bit better, for I sort of fell asleep when we were reading ‘The Crucible’(one of my favorite plays). In addition to reading, we have a project to do on it. Let’s just say with that…
The people in my group SUCK (expect one person).
How it works is that there are four tables in the class and each table is to work together on whatever we were assigned for the project (there are four ‘groups’, each a different topic related to the play). My group is more about when Communism was a major problem then, since the situation at the time was fairly similar to the chaos in Salem. We each—there are six people in my group including me—are assigned different jobs; those looking up information, those (me) writing the important information so we can turn it into a PowerPoint, looking for pictures, and so on. And basically now, the project rests on the shoulders of me and one other person who actually wants a good grade on this.
Is it honestly too much to ask that we work together and get this damn thing done right? One person hardly shows up in the class half the time (whether their reasons are I don’t pry), and everyone else mostly just bitched about things and people around the school. I tried to get them to work, but they just wouldn’t, there was only one more person who actually made an effort to looking up information (if you can really call it EFFORT). And the person who was suppose to be doing the PowerPoint? Bailed on us.
Even if we have three weeks to finish this thing, at the hands of two people with other school work it might be a close call. I just honestly hate how people don’t want to make the commitment to the work when it counts for them as well, especially when it’s in one of my favorite classes.
Which brings me now to my Chorus class. It’s usually after my 1st or 2nd period classes that I actually wake up in a sense. We start off with either sight reading music or simple warm ups, then proceed to working on the songs we planned to sing for our concert. The songs are varied from one Japanese song, to several Christmas songs since the concert is in December. This class—as fun as it is—I take seriously. My buddy of the class is sort of becoming my instructor for proper singing presentation, and I am improving quite a bit I must say. I can hopefully get up a video of some funny moments around the class and school as well. I may even be doing a solo, exciting no?
And now…oh crap, bell just rang AGAIN. My timing is quite a jumble. More soon~
<3
As it is even day here, I already went through my English 2 class. I’m starting to think that I need to readjust my sleep schedule a bit better, for I sort of fell asleep when we were reading ‘The Crucible’(one of my favorite plays). In addition to reading, we have a project to do on it. Let’s just say with that…
The people in my group SUCK (expect one person).
How it works is that there are four tables in the class and each table is to work together on whatever we were assigned for the project (there are four ‘groups’, each a different topic related to the play). My group is more about when Communism was a major problem then, since the situation at the time was fairly similar to the chaos in Salem. We each—there are six people in my group including me—are assigned different jobs; those looking up information, those (me) writing the important information so we can turn it into a PowerPoint, looking for pictures, and so on. And basically now, the project rests on the shoulders of me and one other person who actually wants a good grade on this.
Is it honestly too much to ask that we work together and get this damn thing done right? One person hardly shows up in the class half the time (whether their reasons are I don’t pry), and everyone else mostly just bitched about things and people around the school. I tried to get them to work, but they just wouldn’t, there was only one more person who actually made an effort to looking up information (if you can really call it EFFORT). And the person who was suppose to be doing the PowerPoint? Bailed on us.
Even if we have three weeks to finish this thing, at the hands of two people with other school work it might be a close call. I just honestly hate how people don’t want to make the commitment to the work when it counts for them as well, especially when it’s in one of my favorite classes.
Which brings me now to my Chorus class. It’s usually after my 1st or 2nd period classes that I actually wake up in a sense. We start off with either sight reading music or simple warm ups, then proceed to working on the songs we planned to sing for our concert. The songs are varied from one Japanese song, to several Christmas songs since the concert is in December. This class—as fun as it is—I take seriously. My buddy of the class is sort of becoming my instructor for proper singing presentation, and I am improving quite a bit I must say. I can hopefully get up a video of some funny moments around the class and school as well. I may even be doing a solo, exciting no?
And now…oh crap, bell just rang AGAIN. My timing is quite a jumble. More soon~
<3
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