A Point of No Return

We all have had it happen, people important to us seem to be going for the stars but it feels like you are being left behind by them. You don't want to show your sadness though because you want what is best for them, but the hurt inside is always real. You would give anything to be with them again, just another moment or two to see them smile and hear them laugh....I have so many people I miss, the weight is piling up on me.

I knew this was coming too, I have known it since the beginning of my sophomore year, that many important people would be close to leaving. That's part of high school I always hated, you become close to people older than you and when they leave it sucks like you wouldn't believe. Is it really wrong to miss the people who you have made such wonderful friendships with?

Of course not, that's what it means to have people to care for, and they care for you in return.

But there is a problem with them being older too, they seem to be so close on their own and you being there is just like having a third wheel. As much as they accept you with open arms, you never felt like you belonged with them. You begin to question what they saw in you in the first place and suddenly all of these horrible thoughts race through your mind and you want it all to stop.

This, my readers, is what I have been feeling for a long time now.

This is what it feels like when your sense of security and and comfort is ripped from you by a simple fact. You want it all to be a dream, so you can come back to the reality that you really belong in. You want their words of kindness to be sugar coated lies to make you feel better. You want them to suddenly say they never want anything to do with you again and be done with it. You want to let them go with no strings attached so you aren't part of their memory. You want to be forgotten because when you already think you are, you would rather know that's the world you now live in and accept it.

But I know them better, they would never say that anyway.

I wish so bad that they would, even if one of my greatest fears is to be completely forgotten by the world. Maybe things would have been better if I never met them sometimes, I wonder what it would have been like. I might not be who I am now but...

This is what it means to love people, I have opened my heart to them and they took me as I am. I will always be grateful for that. I love them all like I never thought I could love before, they taught me how to love. I always will wish them the best of luck, it doesn't matter if they don't remember me later on. If they ever do decide to return though, I will always be at the usual place and always waiting.

I only have one wish now, I want to know what it truly means to be alone in the world.